Ready, Set... Launch

In the throes of life with a new baby, sleepless nights, feeding struggles and the list goes on … inevitably someone a bit older will make a comment along the lines of ‘it goes so fast’ or ‘just wait, they’ll be grown and leaving before you know it.’ At the moment, it doesn’t even register. Obviously when we have children, we understand the goal is independence and adulthood, but the reality of the shift from control to influence doesn’t really sink in until you pull away from campus that first time … and then it hits, like a mack truck, it hits.

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We have never been much for giving ‘advice’ as it pertains to parenting, mostly because each kid is so different, and we have a strong belief that parents are uniquely equipped by the Lord to parent the children entrusted to them …  what works for us, might not be great for you. However, we’ve been the beneficiaries over the past 20 years of watching families that are a season or two ahead of ours and gleaning wisdom and tactics to deploy in our own family. At this moment, we find ourselves freshly back home (two weeks to be exact) from leaving our first baby on the other side of the country: college drop-off. Our first launch. And in reflecting on the past year (and really the past 18 years), we hope to share a few thoughts that would encourage fellow parents. Whether you find yourself at the start of a senior year anticipating an upcoming launch, or you are still in baby jail with diapers and sleepless nights and wonder what it’s like on this side, we hope to offer you some guidance and perspective. 

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God’s promises are for you … and for them.

Whether it was handing her off to the surgeon for her tonsillectomy, sending her on the bus that first day of kindergarten, pleading with the Lord as she navigated her first heartbreak and praying for safety every time she left the house without us - the Lord is near! The promises we’ve claimed her whole life - are still in tact! They are for us and they are for her!

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• If any of you lack wisdom, ask for it! (James 1:5)
• Do not be afraid for I am with you. (Isaiah 43:5)
• The peace of God that transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:7)
• Indeed, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid. (Luke 12:7)

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You get the idea. Continue claiming these promises, talk about it out loud with your spouse and with your kids. Send texts reminding your child of these promises and reminding them to claim these promises for their life. 

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Love of the church that’s cultivated through ‘growing up years’ doesn’t leave them as they launch.

If you want your child to prioritize going to church even after they leave your home, then ensure you prioritize your child going to church as they are growing up in your home. There isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach here, but the best way to ensure your child loves to be in the house of God and believes community found there is valuable … is parents who model and encourage this long before they are launched. 

• Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Prov. 22:6)

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Cheer loudly in the midst of heartache.

This launch is an accomplishment for both parents and your bright and shiny young adult. Celebrate that! Cheer loudly. Make sure they know in the moments big and small that you are proud of them. Remind them that you believe in them and know they can do this. When they look at you after that last hug with questioning eyes - meet that questioning with confidence in who they are (Mamas, this is hardest for us!). Take time to have dinner or a coffee where you remind them all of the gifts and talents you see in them and that they are equipped for this next season, and that you aren’t going anywhere. Cry, yes. Grieve the season change, of course. But don’t forget to cheer (and set a countdown on your phone’s lock screen until the next time you’ll see your kiddo). 

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Shifting from control to influence is bumpy and imperfect… for everyone. 

We spend 18 years in the driver’s seat making every appointment, giving instructions, setting rules, doling out consequences when said rules are broken, solving problems, and the list goes on. The shift to influence begins before they turn 18 in little ways, and the need for parents/parenting doesn’t end simply because they ‘launch’ - but we do need to learn the art of asking more questions than directive statements. Less instruction and more ‘can I offer a suggestion’ type conversations. This shift is both good and hard. Be gracious with one another..It’s change for them and for us. And when you get it wrong and revert back to a ‘command and control’ text out of frustration, be quick to apologize and try again with different words. 

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The show must go on. 

Lastly, senior year is a whole thing. Filled with ‘lasts’ from start to finish. From senior pictures, to senior sunrise, to the last homecoming, last Fine Arts trip, last sporting event, grad party prep (and grad party recovery), and college move-in prep. It can feel all-consuming in a home and family dynamic. Our kids referred to it as ‘the Abby show.’ And by the time college move-in was upon us - our other kids were ready for the show to end. As we traveled back home, we needed to remind ourselves all that we had to look forward to in establishing new normals with our younger children and tried really hard to be intentional with our posture in acknowledging sadness without our oldest at home, but also our belief that it would be a great school year and that our excitement for life as a family wasn’t any less now that one of their siblings had moved out. It’s our job as parents to set that tone and ensure the frame for our family foundation remains secure as our kids come and go in the coming years.

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Parenting is such a joy. Each season a gift. Through it all what we’ve learned most is God is faithful and we can trust him! We pray that you will cherish each moment and commit each season to the Lord because he is faithful!

Aaron and Jessica Johnson