How to walk with someone struggling with mental health

“ Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

This is a common verse heard in church, often in the context of advocating for the body of Christ to be in community and do life together. A reasonable follow-up question to this is, what does it practically look like to bear one another’s burdens? 

There are many ways this could play out – participating in a meal train for a family with a newborn, financially supporting someone going through financial hardship, going to doctor’s appointments with a friend with complex health conditions, etc. Another major opportunity for the church to step in and lift one another up is in the realm of mental health! 

It’s no secret that mental illness and mental health struggles have a far and wide reach – it’s estimated that 7.6 million Christians a year battle mental health, with at least 43% of Christians citing that they have experienced a mental health issue. Though the Bible may not explicitly say “this is how you walk alongside someone experiencing mental health issues”, it offers a lot of wisdom in walking alongside those struggling! 

Here are six ways that you can help: 

‍1. Be present and listen without judgment

“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” 2 Corinthians 1:4
The first step is to position your heart and mind in truth about their identity: they are an image bearer of the one true King! This means that they are worthy of the patience, mercy and love that God in His goodness has given to you as a fellow image bearer – we comfort others as we have been comforted, even if we don’t have the same experiences! 

Just because we don’t experience every malady in this world doesn’t mean that it isn’t real. Mental health is an extremely isolating experience, and the enemy of our souls uses lies of “it’s just a you problem” or “there’s something wrong with you” to keep people trapped, afraid and isolated within their struggles. Making space for the people in your life to know that you are there for them no matter what, and listen without predisposed judgment, offers them a beautiful space to finally bring what’s holding them down into the light and receive the freedom God has for them. 

Galatians 6:2 says to “BEAR” one another’s burdens, not fix them! This practically looks like active listening: giving your full attention, reflecting back what you hear and resisting the urge to "fix" or offer unsolicited advice. God is not afraid of mental health, and mental illness is much more complicated than a simple “fix” – they wouldn’t be struggling if it were that simple! Giving space to be the hands and feet of Christ and offering them grace, mercy, and unconditional love in their suffering is a powerful way to rebuke the lies of the enemy in their head, show them that they’re not alone, and help bear their burdens! 

2. Know what not to say

“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” James 1:19 ‍

Though often well-intentioned, comments like "just pray harder" or "think positive" can be deeply harmful and invalidating to what someone is walking through! Odds are they are praying and desperately trying to think positively, but when the brain is sick, certain parts shut down, making it nearly impossible to function and think normally! Instead, validating their feelings (“that sounds really hard” or “I’m sorry you’re walking through this”) versus minimizing their feelings (“at least it’s not worse”) offers them a refuge of mercy and comfort as they walk through this dark valley.

Some key things to avoid are shaming, lecturing or expressing frustration at symptoms (withdrawal, low motivation, mood swings). This is often out of their control and can lead to further harm and isolation. If you don’t know what to say, sitting in silence with them can be just as powerful – it shows them that they aren’t alone, and that you are willing to embrace the uncomfortable with them to be with them and support them. Most people don’t want you to “fix” it; they just want a friend!

Instead of these things, speak the truth in love. Often speaking the truth about their identity and who God is in a way that doesn’t shame them can help refute the lies of the enemy and show them how you value them! Truths such as that they are valued, bought with a high price, loved, embraced and created with great plans in mind are all great things to speak over someone without invalidating what they’re walking through – just make sure to listen to them first! (Click here for a list of truths of our identities as believers) 

3. Stay connected consistently & practically help them with day-to-day life 

“Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter 4:9
Loneliness and isolation are major symptoms of many mental illnesses/mental health experiences. Rather than waiting for the person struggling to reach out, consistently be the one to check in instead! Regular, low-pressure contact (a text, short walk, etc.) is more sustainable than intense but sporadic support and communicates to the individual that you are there for the long run, not just when it’s convenient. This shows them that they aren’t a burden, truly are loved and forces them out of isolation – a win-win-win!

Mental illness often makes basic tasks overwhelming — offering specific, concrete help (meals, errands, childcare) rather than vague "let me know if you need anything" will go a long way! They may not know what they need, so if you ask and they don’t know, then stepping in with meals, offering to help care for them, etc., can give them the tangible help they need. Helping those struggling to maintain a routine is critical to their healing experience, as routine is consistently linked to mood stability. Doing the “grunt work” of cooking and cleaning may not always be glamorous, but it is loving!

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4. Know the warning signs and crisis lines ‍

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8Mental health can come in various sizes, forms and experiences – just because someone is struggling doesn’t necessarily mean they are suicidal, but it also doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Satan is the enemy of our souls, and having the knowledge and discernment to see when someone is being “devoured” can save a life. Taking the initiative to learn the signs of a major mental health crisis (suicidal ideation, psychosis, severe self-neglect) can truly be the difference between life and death for someone!

Another key and widely encouraged tool is to ask directly: "Are you thinking about suicide?" — research shows this does not plant the idea and can open a life-saving conversation!

Here are some resources to have ready: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988), or the Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741).

5. Encourage professional help ‍

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5
Even though you may be committed to walking alongside someone facing mental health issues, it doesn’t mean that you have to be their therapist – in fact, with mental health, it’s significantly healthier for an individual to have an external outlet they can trust that can help them learn how to cope and heal. There are many, many trained counselors and practitioners who have experience, knowledge and skill when it comes to helping others navigate mental illness! You don’t have to be (and typically should not be) their therapist, but you can push them in the right direction towards one! Research shows that social support is one of the strongest predictors of an individual actually engaging in treatment. Offering practical help like “can I help you find a therapist?” or “I’ll drive you to your appointment,” and gently/consistently encouraging therapy or psychiatric care without ultimatums can help break the obstacles and mental blocks that make it difficult for those struggling to take the next step to find help. The key is to have the conversation from a place of care and concern, not judgment! If they continue to resist, ultimately the choice is up to them – we cannot change people, but we can offer help to lead them in the right direction!

6. Pray for your loved ones!
“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” Ephesians 6:18‍

Last but certainly not least, the impact of prayer on changing someone’s life cannot be stressed enough! We are to pray without ceasing and lift one another up. Though telling someone to pray harder isn’t helpful, being the one to actually pray for them can create change in a way that only God is capable of. This is crucial as believers: inviting God in to do what only He can do in places where we cannot do anything will not only build your faith, but it will lift the arms of the person in your life experiencing this hardship. Exodus has an incredible story about the power of lifting another's arms in faith:

^“As long as Moses held up his arms, the Israelites won, but when he put his arms down, the Amalekites started winning. When Moses' arms grew tired, Aaron and Hur brought a stone for him to sit on, while they stood beside him and held up his arms, holding them steady until the sun went down.” Exodus 17:11-12
It was brothers in faith lifting Moses’ arms that allowed the battle to be won. Whose arms can you hold up today in prayer? 

If you don’t know what to pray, here is a great place to start: “Father, I thank you that you are a God of mercy, love, healing, patience and grace. I lift up (name here) and ask for miraculous healing and full deliverance from (affliction) in the mighty name of Jesus Christ! Whether you heal them in a moment or through a process, I ask Holy Spirit that you would comfort them with the supernatural peace beyond understanding that only you could give. Lord, I thank you that you are a God of wisdom, patience and discernment and ask that you would impart those gifts upon me so that I can support (name here) through this trial. Would you give me the patience to hold my tongue and listen when I need to, the discernment to know what to say and how to say it, and the wisdom to know how to support them practically. Thank you, God, that you are a God of VICTORY – I speak that over their life, that this is not the end and that you are going to do a MIGHTY work in their life! I pray for protection over them from the enemy and rebuke the lies Satan is trying to attack them with; Lord, I pray for a covering over them, that Holy Spirit you would be the shield that deflects the darts and keeps their minds, hearts and bodies safe. I ask for strength for (name here) to endure this suffering and stay faithful through the valley, and ask that you would truly use this experience for their good in the long run; thank you, God, that you’re a God of redemption and restoration! Thank you, God, for all these things, it’s in your mighty name I pray, amen and amen.”